Did you know inside us all is the ability to heal and grow, we slowly but surely over time shut ourselves down so we can suffer, yet we only suffer when we are not free. We lose our freedom when we give up our authenticity to be what other people want us to be, or what we perceive they want us to be.
To suffer and shrink is the opposite of heal and grow … how many of us suffer and shrink?
In my opinion, healing is not coping, healing is the difference between living and surviving. Most of us are just surviving, but to live, truly live is to not be dictated to by “Norms and expectation” to be a rebel, a bit of a maverick.
In a session today while talking about always feeling different, forever using comparison as a metric for success my guest stated to me, you know Viv we don’t need Helicopter snipers in TESCO … and he’s so right, our environment has the power to encourage us to believe we are the odd one, we are the “Problem” when we are not, we are just not at home from the skin in
So, with that in mind, how do we ACTUALLY heal?
What a question huh? Well, I have witnessed and assisted many a journey but none as powerful as my own, so ladies and gentlemen for what it’s worth, here’s what works for me.
I hope these words provide some inspiration to guide you back home to you.
- I have been keeping a photo of the 5-year-old version of me on my fridge and regularly say to her: “look how far we’ve come.” “We’ve got this” It’s reminding little me that I am responsible for my own life now, and the opportunities are endless. That’s she is not forgotten and is on this journey with me.
- For me, healing isn’t about having a regimented routine, a step-by-step guide, or checking off boxes. Some of these things open up my old wounds of a need for perfectionism and get me believing I am a self-improvement project. I AM NOT A SELF IMPROVEMENT PROJECT I am a human soul seeking authenticity and connection in unison.
- My healing has always been about self-discovery. It’s about following my intricate curiosities and interests. It’s about tuning out from the voices of my parents and society as a whole so that I can tune into my inner wisdom, this is my personal gift that I have gathered up throughout my lifetime.
- I am continually committed to releasing my saviour complex. Knowing that it isn’t my role to fix or be fixed. No one is broken therefore no one needs fixed! My belief for others is “I trust you know what’s best for you.” I can witness, hold space, and walk alongside you but ultimately this is YOUR journey, done YOUR way. And outside my therapy room I’m just over here focusing on understanding what’s best for me.
- Patience plays a huge part of healing for all the parts of me. Not just my perceived “good” parts. But also, the parts of me that are impatient, petty, harsh, and immature. When I speak to myself as the stable adult I wished had been around to guide and support me I become more patient towards my past.
- Healing is realising no one knows what they’re doing. Even the people you admire. And you’re not supposed to know what you’re doing. Life is a classroom. We’re learning as we go. And we find strength in being the humble student.
- Having courageous conversations with the people that I had been putting off. Offering them and myself grace to acknowledge the hurt. This gave me the confidence to move forward.
- Floating gave me the capacity to fully rest. Learning to rest and giving myself permission to decompress to the constant busyness and demands of today’s world that is really avoidance in disguise. My gift to me has been personal presence and it’s this that has been the greatest healing capacity I have ever experienced.
For me healing is small moments of my authenticity that shine through here and there, it’s the guidance of self without the need for comparison and judgement.